As some of you may know, over the past few months, I have fallen off the wagon when it comes to my yoga practice.  I basically stopped going more than once a week, then moved to Seattle, and didn’t go to a single class until this past week, and let me tell you:  my body knows it.

While I still feel good after a class, and I still enjoy the workout, I have been feeling very differently than I used to.  Now I know I don’t usually make body or weight-based goals, but I have gained a lot since Joe and I broke up, and I don’t like it one bit.  I can wallow and sigh and make excuses that I was going through a rough time, but I know better.  “I’m doing my best is an excuse used by people who are weak” – Bikram.  I haven’t been doing my best.  I haven’t been coping my best.  I haven’t been my best, and I have absolutely no excuse for that.  So I guess, since I am so anti body goals, my goal will be to do my best.  My goal will be to do my best and mean it.

When I left for Seattle, one of my friends in Vancouver asked me “what are you going to do?”  and I answered “I’m going to set goals and then I am going to meet them.”  I think back on that and wonder if I’ve let myself down in that way so far.  My lack of goal setting, my lack of drive, could be contributing to my overwhelming sense of being directionless.  I set these half-baked, random idea-goals and then I have no follow through, which leads me to be very discouraged.  “You want the key to success in life? Lock the fucking knee.” – Bikram again said this.  By going to class, I started trying to lock my knee.  By setting realistic goals, I will continue trying to lock the knee.  When my knee is locked, I am confident that things will fall into place for me.  I know everything will work out if I just lock the knee.

I need new perspective, new motivation.  I need to stop wallowing in self pity and proclaiming to be “doing my best.”  I want to actually be my best.  I encourage anyone reading this to ask himself what his best actually is, and what excuses he is making for not being there.

Happy Halloween!