I have skipped runs. I have never been a person who believes in excuses, but I witnessed something really scary two weeks ago Tuesday, and I am afraid to run in the dark. My recent slew of days where I am leaving my house before 8, and getting home 12 hours later, have made it nearly impossible for me to find daylight to run in.

I’m disappointed, because I don’t like feeling like I haven’t met my goals. I was supposed to increase my distance this week. I am curious about the amount of progress I would have made by now, had I run more in the past two weeks.

I can’t change where I am now, but I can change my behaviour starting tomorrow. First of all, I’m going to look at my schedule, and see how I can fit runs in during the day. If that means packing running clothes and bringing a back pack, and jogging all over West Seattle every day after work, I’ll do that. If I must, I’ll even consider joining a gym, although you all know how I feel about gyms (see this post).

This is the first time that I have shared a failure here. I love to share my successes, but I want to iterate to all of you, and to try to convince myself, that sometimes it’s ok to fail. When I was working at Lululemon last year, a bit of wisdom they imparted upon me, was that when you’re setting goals, you should set them so high, that you don’t reach about 50% of them. That’s a tough bit of info to digest. My jerk reaction to that is that it’s crazy, but maybe that reaction is really just a reflection of my fear of failure. Maybe the possibility of failure is something I have to open myself up to.

Running has put me out of my comfort zone in so many ways. My yoga challenge was difficult, but for me the yoga studio has always been a safe, comfortable place to be. I’m good at it, and I like it, and it relaxes me. Running is not something I feel good at, it isn’t particularly relaxing, and I don’t get as much instant gratification from it. Writing this down, and realizing I have so far to go in this endeavor, is making me feel frustrated and kind of sad. I want to be confident in my ability to do this, and I want to believe I have the discipline to make myself continue this challenge, but I am not feeling very positive about any of it at the moment.

Hopefully this week will bring about some positive changes. Send me good energy everyone… I am sending it right back.

-C

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