It’s hard to believe that in exactly 24 hours I’ll be starting pranayama and the 26 postures of the Bikram yoga series. It’s pretty amazing actually that I’ve made it this far in the challenge avoiding the 6AM class, but sleeping in as late as I can is definitely a priority. I’ll rearrange my schedule into such a blur of activity in the afternoon that it practically requires an event planner to execute before I will take an AM class. Tomorrow, though, my hands are tied. I have no choice. I also have no doubt in my ability to do it.

A friend recently published a little gif on her Facebook wall. It said “stop for a second and consider this: you can literally do whatever the fuck you want.” after doing my first ever Bikram challenge a few years ago, I began to understand what this meant. Now I understand it on a deep, personal, visceral level. I understand that it means I can go to a 6AM yoga class if i decide to, but I also understand it applies to a whole lifetime of decisions I can and will make for myself.

Last night as I fell asleep, I was thinking about my karma yoga, what I am here in this life to do. I was palpating my feelings about things in my life, choices I’ve made, people I spend my time with. It occurred to me that discovering my karma yoga has everything to do with the original intent I set for myself when I started his challenge. I read it every day on the poster we wrote all over in the change room, in my awkward scrawl: I will stop being afraid.

When you realize that you are singularly responsible for the path your life takes, and furthermore that you have control over that life, it is scary. That seems like a lot of responsibility for a gal like me. Yoga also teaches us, however, to take things one teeny tiny step at a time. To forgive ourselves when we’re not ready for something yet, and that if you go to your maximum, and continue to apply pressure to that point every day, one day, without fail, you will blossom.

Buddingly yours,

-C

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