I’ve been reading Bikram’s book, Bikram Yoga: The Guru Behind Hot Yoga Shows the Way to Radiant Health and Personal Fulfillment this week.  I have learned so much reading it, and it has definitely given me a second wind in terms of amping up my practice.

One of the things Bikram says to his students when they feel the can’t go on, is “just try to kill yourself honey.”  He doesn’t mean it literally, but is rather speaking to that voice in the inside saying “stop! Lie down! Take a break! You can’t do this!”  This phrase was my mantra in class yesterday.  Every time I wanted to take a breather, and sit out a posture, I repeated the words over and over to myself.  I totally killed myself.  Even better, I was able to push myself really far.  I was especially tough on myself in standing separate leg stretching pose,  and in head to knee pose and stretching pose.  I’m feeling such an increase in hamstring flexibility, and it’s really rewarding to finally be gaining in the postures the utilize that.

I think I’ve talked before about how Shavon (one of my all time favorite yoga teachers) kind of has magical powers.  I always feel like in her class, there are absolutely no limits to what I’m capable of.  I don’t know if she is just a uniquely skilled observer or what, but she has a way of always saying exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it.  This mind reading power was taken to a completely new level today.

For the past two weeks, I have been seriously considering going to teacher training at some point.  I have been reading so much about it, and I’m following another blogger who is currently at teacher training (go, Amy B, go!) and it is getting me so excited about maybe one day getting to have that experience.  I get this niggling feeling when I have to do something.  It comes on with small things, like “I need to unload the dishwasher or fold this laundry because it’s the right thing to do… even though I don’t want to.”  It comes on more strongly for bigger things, like doing my 30-day challenges,  and it comes on in full force when I think about going to teacher training.  

On Saturday in class, everything started out totally normal.  Shavon welcomed the newcomers, and said we would start with pranayama breathing deep breathing, then she looked at me and said “Claire, will you demonstrate?”  I totally panicked. I have no idea how I did or what it looked like, but it felt really good! It also was the key to having a great class, because the scariest thing that could have happened already did.  After that, the back bends were a piece of (cheese)cake. 

After class I asked Shavon why she called on me, and she said it was because she didn’t feel like doing it herself that day, but regardless of the reason, it was exactly what needed to happen for me on that day, in that class, in a number of ways.  It gave me the teeniest tiniest morsel of an idea of what it would be like to teach a class.  Can you imagine?

I’m a ways off from being ready to make teacher training actually happen for me.  But I think know someday it will.

Determinedly Yours,